The Home Hammer game

During one of my regular bottom of the ladder rounds of Call of Duty 4, 'the Hammer Game' from Halo 3 was briefly mentioned and sorely missed.

The group of guys I play flirted briefly with Master of Chiefs and his spartan buddies, but after the fucking lackluster single player campaign was done away with and a series of shitty online matches, it was traded on mass.

One thing we did enjoy though was the aforementioned 'Hammer game'. This was basically a time filler that we fired up waiting for everybody to come online. It consisted of a variant of King of the Hill, Low Gravity, rockets and hammers only on Valhalla. People would rush to the hill, slow to a crawl and then smash each other like green armored pinatas. It was so dumb and so, so awesome. We eventually stopped looking for online games, and just kept playing the Hammer Game.

-Brother N-

That's what Playstation Home needs to be. I know they have promised bowling...*cough* but they really need to think sideways on this one. Let blow each other up, let us play paintball, let us make lego villages...to then blow up.

Burnout Paradise: Adding salt to your wounds.

Ok, before you jump to conclusions, this is not an irrational blast at the latest of the Burnout series. For what I've played, which is around 10 hours on and offline, it's exactly what I wanted. Light-weight, fuck around racing.

What I don't like, is DJ fucking Atomika. I get his purpose, to subtly give the player tips. Cool. And hey, at least he's not the super obnoxious over the top fuckheads from Burnouts past.

So what does he do wrong? The second you lose and event this ARSEHOLE chimes in with some smarmy insult consisting of "News just in of some shitty racer being utterly horrible and fat across Paradise, and I DJ Atomika only give mad props to the awesomest of the awesome" . Or how about one of his fabulous handy 'tips' which are pretty much made up of the following;
"When you're in a race/stunt run/road rage/burning run/marked man, its important to try and go fastest/do stunts/win/go fast/not die, and that will help win and not lose, like you just did. DJ Atomika here, telling you the bleeding fucking obvious."

This guy is seriously my motivation to win. Just so I don't have to choke one of my couch cushions to death each time he pipes up.

-Brother N-

PS and NO turning Tips off in the options menu does not shut him up. He's like the fucking wolf man.....I gotta find a silver bullet.

Assasin's Creed PC: How does 'Fuck You' sound?

Fresh news has just cropped up about the shiny new 'now its your turn' version of Assassin's Creed on the PC and what else can i say to the developers but 'Go suck a dick!'

What's the problem? New shit. More missions, different investigations. Being as my poor old PC is as tragic as one of those dogs with broken back legs replaced by wheels, I probably wont be playing this title. But as previously stated, i did play Ass Creed through on the 360. By the end, I had also suffered the 'Ass fatigue' that many a reviewer described. It was fun but lack of variation slowly ground me into a fine paste of frustration.

So how do you fix these problems? MOARE STUFFS TO DO! But not for you dumb fuckers who have spent a small portion of you life collecting FLAGS for some DOUCHEBAG who can't because it's TOO FUCKING HOT TODAY. HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE THE BALACLAVA OFF MATE?! THAT MIGHT COOL YOUR LAZY FUCKING ARSE DOWN!!

I don't even give a toss if they release it as DLC, I traded that shit in. Here's a trick, WAIT for a few more months AND GIVE ME A BETTER FUCKING GAME, rather than WAITING AND RELEASING A BETTER FUCKING GAME ON A DIFFERENT FUCKING PLATFORM just so you can scoop up a few more sales from the Assassin's Creed psychopaths that collected all 18.6 billion flags from each city.

So Fuck you Ass Creed PC, and while where at it, Fuck you Gears 'O' War PC, for denying the people who made the game a success a chance to fight the real boss. Not some tool wearing a BAT-COAT.

-Brother N-